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Hour Admissions Essay Review — Ivy Academic Prep
Sophie wrote the following essay for question 2 on the pre Common Application: "Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you. Note: Sophie wrote this essay before the Common Application set the current word length limit.
Before getting into the details of the essay, it's important to consider the schools to which Sophie applied: Bard College, Dickinson College, Hampshire College, Oberlin College, Smith College, SUNY Geneseo and Wesleyan University.
Each of these, including the one state school, is a relatively small college with an undergraduate focus and a liberal arts and sciences core curriculum. All of these college admission essay critiques use a holistic approach to their admissions decisions; that is, each school is carefully thinking about the whole applicant, not just the applicant's grades and test scores.
These are college admission essay critiques that are looking for more than smart students. They also want excellent campus citizens who will foster an open and questioning intellectual community.
For this reason, the essay is a remarkably important part of Sophie's application. Now let's get into the nitty-gritty of Sophie's essay. Don't be misled college admission essay critiques Sophie's focus on a local and rural issue. At the heart of the essay is a discussion of big questions: separation of church and state, conflicts between personal convictions and the good of the community, and the gray areas that define all politics.
Sophie has taken some risks in choosing this topic. Her declared atheism might alienate some readers. From her opening line "I am not entirely sure" she presents herself as someone who does not have all the answers.
Indeed, Sophie is not the hero of this story. She's not even convinced that she made the right decision, and her vote did not affect the outcome of the situation. These risks are what make the essay effective. Put yourself in the shoes of an admissions officer at a liberal arts college. What kind of student do you want as part of your campus community?
One college admission essay critiques all the answers, who knows everything, never makes wrong decisions and seems to have nothing to learn? Clearly not. Sophie presents herself as someone who is continually learning, rethinking her convictions and embracing her uncertainty. It's important to note that Sophie does have strong convictions, but she is open-minded enough to challenge them.
The essay shows Sophie to be an engaged, thoughtful and questioning community member. She takes on challenges, sticks with her convictions, college admission essay critiques, yet she does so with pleasing open-mindedness and humility. In short, she demonstrates the qualities that are a great match for a small liberal arts college. I do think the opening could use a bit more work, college admission essay critiques. The college admission essay critiques sentence is a little long and clumsy, and that opening paragraph needs to really grab the reader.
That said, the writing itself is mostly excellent. The essay is largely free of grammatical or typographical errors. The prose is clear and fluid. Sophie does a nice job shifting between short, punchy sentences "I am no Machiavelli" and longer, more complex ones. The essay, college admission essay critiques, despite its length, holds the reader's attention.
Sophie's essay is strong because the focus is local. Many college applicants worry that they have nothing to say, that nothing significant has happened to them.
Sophie shows us that one need not have climbed Mount Everest, experienced great personal tragedy or found a cure for cancer to write an effective essay. Sophie grapples with tough issues and shows herself to be eager to learn. She also demonstrates strong writing skills. She successfully presents herself as a good match for a competitive liberal arts college.
Sophie applied to seven colleges. All of these schools are competitive, but Sophie's good high school record and strong SAT scores made her competitive at each. She also had strong extracurricular activities in music, dance and as her essay shows community service. Her class rank was not exceptional, so the essay is one place where she can make up for that deficiency.
The table below shows where Sophie was accepted, college admission essay critiques, rejected, and waitlisted. She declined being placed on the waitlists and accepted the offer of admission from Smith College where she attended after a gap year.
Share Flipboard Email. Allen Grove. College Admissions Expert. Allen Grove is an Alfred University English professor and a college admissions expert with over 20 years of experience helping students transition to college. our editorial process. Facebook Facebook Twitter Twitter. Updated February 01, Sophie's Application Results College Admission Decision Bard College Accepted Dickinson College Waitlisted Hampshire College Accepted Oberlin College Waitlisted Smith College Accepted SUNY Geneseo Accepted Wesleyan University Rejected.
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Reading My College Essay That Got Me Accepted Into Duke, USC, and UT Austin + Why My Essay Worked
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